Here’s the deal. I’m blogging about shows I go to and hopefully, other music-related goings on in my life, but OMG, it’s taking so much time. Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been going to about 6-10 shows a month, taking pictures, thinking about them critically (although I don’t pretend to be a music critic), and then uploading some halfway decent pictures and constructing a blog post. But it takes me a good 1-2 hours to write each blog post and it’s near impossible to carve out that kind of time. While I’ve just blogged about the 6th or 7th show I’ve seen this year, I’m probably heading into the 30th or something. And going to shows takes up a lot of free time. So does scouring the internet for tour dates and presale passwords, finding concert buddies, vetting and hiring babysitters, taking care of my house and family (barely), and then sometimes going to my actual job, which I hope is at least bringing in as much money as I’m spending on tickets lately.
I probably get the chance to sit down and write a new blog post about once a week, and that time has to be kid-free for me to be able to concentrate. First I usually skim the last couple of blog posts I’ve written and beat myself up about how dumb I sound. Then I have to talk myself into continuing because they only way my writing gets better is to practice and I can’t let the ‘perfect’ stand in the way of the ‘good enough’. But then I realize that my ‘good enough’ could be someone’s ‘what a waste of time and energy’ and I have to start the whole cycle again. It pains me to look back at what I’ve worked on so far and see that it’s not great, and leave it posted publically for the world to see. I’m also thinking that maybe I shouldn’t aim for such lengthy posts, are least for awhile, just so I can get myself caught up. But if I’m only posting a picture with a few comments, why not do it on Facebook or Instagram and be done with it? But don’t blogs evolve over time? Do I really have to start out with a set style and stick to it forever, or can I just let it become whatever it is?
But here’s what I do know: since the beginning of the year, I’ve had more purpose than I’ve had in a long time. Decision-making is so much easier, knowing beforehand that if I’m given two choices, and one of them is a music-related thing, I just choose that without a second thought. I’ve found people that share my purpose, and support me, and come with me. I’m really happy, and feeling good about beating down my anxiety and agoraphobia (which are frequent hurdles for me). So I press on because feels really good to be content/happy.